Sunday, December 3, 2006


It's wintertime in the Northern Hemisphere. While watching the early news this morning, the dreaded weather forecaster uttered the 'S' word in the same sentence with 'later this week'. Yes, the 'S' word. It conjures lovely visions of Currier and Ives lithographs where the glistening stuff is covering everything and the people are laughingly enjoying themselves.

I happen to like the 'S' stuff. I especially like listening to it while it falls. For some reason the air sounds dull and unearthily quiet, but you can hear the almost metallic thuds of the snow flakes as they hit windows. I can only stand to listen to it for a few minutes at a time (then I have to hurry back inside and warm up with a mug of steaming hot cheesy broccoli soup.) I hate driving in snowy weather, mainly because everyone turns into a possessed maniac. And supermarkets? Forget about it!

I've tried to figure out what makes people act so panicked about snow. The only thing I can think of is Snowsteria. You've seen it before. It's that wild eye panicked look everyone gets whenever the 'S' word is mentioned in a news cast. It causes people to rush to the nearest supermarket and buy the store's entire stock of toilet paper, bread (even if they don't eat bread), milk (even if they don't drink milk), soda pop, cookies, potato chips and condoms. It causes people to fill up their gas tanks to all of their cars, even if that amount is half a gallon. It causes everyone to buy tons of sand and ice melt and two snow shovels for every member of their family (and two spares just in case).

The gas I sorta understand. But the toilet paper? I just don't get it. Come on, it's not like you're anticipating a stomach flu for the next couple of days. The bread and milk? I sorta understand. However, if you're so Snowsterical that you forgot the peanutbutter, jelly, cold cuts, and mayo, I don't know how much that bread is gonna help you. The cookies and potato chips...again, why that?'s to go along with all the milk and soda pop. It would make more sense to buy a turkey or a big pot roast and cook it. Or better yet, buy a couple of chickens and make a vat of soup. I'm not going to even address the condoms...

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